She dropped a coin into the cup.

I am wowed at the effect this has. i need to start running. i wish i could remember this feeling; but it will come and go like a cold breeze. that is stupid. HAHAHAHA she was born in spring. i am just typing what ever i think and than we can sort out all the rest in the end. i miss talking to my brother. i haven't talked with him since a long time. i wish we were not fighting. i don't want to waste any more time. i guess i could send him an email or something; but then he would win. i need to go to sleep. i wish this was published. i feel that if this was published, i would care more. i would mind to blog. not forget. i like this, i want people to see. i think they would care. they wouldn't mind to check in. 

i get sad when i think of everything.

I used to care, but things have changed

So here is the deal. I am out of friends. I woke up the other morning and realized that the friends I have are no longer what they once were. I wish this was not true, but I see no way around it. In the last few years me and mine have done much to be, who we want to be, for them. They have done nothing. My sons birthday was the other day and not one call, email or present. Mine and my wife's are in the next few weeks to come. I bet they will go unnoticed. 

I realized that friends, the ones you consider best, should remember these things. Are we old friends that only have the old in common? I think so. This makes me sad. I wish it was different.

When my son was born, nobody came. I am starting to believe that if we did not go see them, they still, to this day, would not have met gray. This makes me extremely sad. 

Nobody reads this so I do not care. I figure one day, when I die, they may go through this and see what I see. They will feel what I felt and think what I think. They will miss it for now.

High, not hi

There are moments of genius where I realize how great we are. I know where I have been and where we are going. This one is my favorite. Nobody will ever read or ever know; because this will be overlooked by all, even myself. I complain to much. I hate how I make her feel, she is wonderfull.

I cannot wait for tomorrow. that is a very first in a long time. I am lost. I a venture of weakness and despair. We dance and wonder where this destany bring us. What is the next step and when do we leave. I want to come back and see my togethers....

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow are all in a room...

I am going to start some writing exercises soon. A few that interest me are as such; you find something that means something, or something that doesn't. Something you regret, or something that you feel. Something you dream. something you watch. Something that hurts, something that hurts. Or something that hurts. You take this "something" and you start to add. You type. You start with a phrase like "because..." and you type about this "something" just without ever mentioning the something. I want to see how far i can get, how far t takes me.

Another is free writing about things you hate separated by things you enjoy. And lastly, you write with all maybes. Maybe you can, maybe you cant. Maybe she knows. maybe you do. I will start to do these and post my results. Maybe I can figure it out, because maybe, you can figure me out. 

Another

You know what pisses me off about this country? Well, I will tell you then. How stupid people are. Lets take, for example, the political race between Obama and McCain. Everyone is making a big stink about who the running mates will be....fuck you!!!! Just pick who you want and who you think would be the best vice...NOT who you and your advisors think the people will like. We care more about the popularity of this shit than what and how they can change this piss poor country.

 

I don't get it. I don't get how people are so blind. They just bend over and get fucked in the ass, but at least your getting fucked by a handsome person that speaks well. I want to get out of this fake, inconsistent corporate country

Bring it on Home to me

Well Aimee left for St. louis today and I am lonely as hell. I forgot how lonely it is without her. I went to the mall, Starbucks, the book store and cleaned the shit out of the house; now I have nothing left to do and am getting depressed. I wish I were with her. It is really weird, I love to be alone, but only when she is not too far away.

All Dreams are made out of Real Things

It is sad to think that not one person reads this blog. I know I do not write all that well but it would be nice to see at least one person cares what i like to write about. Most of my close friends know that I have a blog, but none have ever asked for the address. Why is this? Is it because I am quite negative in my writings? Is it because they don't give a fuck what I think or feel? I suspect a mixture of both, but mostly the later. 

Why, when I am high, do I see everything that I hate about myself? I see the lazy, bored, unfocused and sick person I can be. My body aches. My ears ring and my mouth is dry. I cannot stand it, it worries me. I see all the failures in my life and i cannot figure out if those so called failures are real or not. Is it my subconscious showing me the changes I need to make, or am I just high as fuck?

A great song: Beck, True Love will find you in the End (a Daniel Johnston cover) 

An even better song: Wycleaf Jean, If I was President

Go download them both and play them at the same time backwards. Also, since nobody reads this blog I can say things like, vaginas scare me, and it isn't weird.